mystery, still unsolveable

future is a mystery, still unsolveable
to people – even me
dark paths await, beware of the wrong ones
step carefully for you are betting
your own future

people walking slowly
discussing eagerly
’bout; what can be happen ten years in future?

but here i am
kneeling down of frustration
crying out because of heartbroken
whispering quietly to the dark night
to the moon and the stars
to the Lord who creates all of them

“Father, into thy hands I commend
my future.”

yes i’m frustrated because of high school – and produced this random stuffs. forgive me.

fleur // june 30th, 2014



“I hate you,” yet I love you.

“So do I,” I know.

“Now, go away,” don’t you should feel disgusted?

“No. It looks like my presence in here brigtens the mood,” why should I?

“I detest you,” there are many things that should make you feel disgusted to me.

“Have I said I detest you more than you do?” cheer up for i don’t feel disgusted to you!

“I think no,” I know, thank you.

“So let that graze in your mind,” you are welcome.

another random post to update this blog. no i’m not okay. bye

fleur // june 30th, 2014


three shades of beauty

i think there are three flavors that can personalize myself; chocolate, vanilla, and mint. chocolate to show the real me side. the color is too dark, often don’t being liked by everyone, but surprisingly bitter and sweet at the same moment – it depends on how people taste it. beside it, there’s vanilla too. vanilla shows my other side – cheerful, silly, insane, happy-go-lucky, talkactive, and giving an impression like i don’t care anything beside to live my own life in the world, also it shows sincere and genuine side of me. oops, i don’t being a narcissism person, but a quiz told be that i’m sincere and genuine xD

what about mint? oh, yeah! i don’t forget you, my dearly minty x3 mint shows my first impression to people. i’m quite shy and not open, so when we first meet i might be a little bit silent and maybe it gives you impression that she doesn’t want to be my friend. but, noooo, i want to be your friend. i’d really love too, yet my antisocial side kicks me too hard than the friendly side. at least it’s what i think. 🙂

let’s moving forward

Sometimes I wish I’d never born.

Althea laughed bitterly when thinking about this. Yes, I wonder what’ll the world do without me – nothing, maybe. Because I’m such a trash, she thought, kicking some pebbles – to satisfy her heart because the best thing to do without hurting your friends when you were at your limit was to shed your pique, vexation, exacerbation on unliving things. Yes, it was the best thing to do.

The last time she shed her angriness to a living things – to Astrild – resulted the friendship between her and Astrild cracked. Fortunately Astrild wasn’t egoistical – no, Althea was the egoistical one – and she saved their precious five-years friendship.

Now, Althea didn’t want such a silly reason to crack her friendship again – once was enough. She had learnt her lesson – never ever shed your bitter side of emotion on human. Newton’s Third Law stated that if there was an action, there’d be a reaction. Althea gave bad action, and the reaction was same.

She looked up at the sky. The night sky was always peaceful, never judged her; the moon and the stars were the best listener she’d ever got. They were quiet to let her talk until she couldn’t mutter a single word anymore, they were quiet when the tears rolled down to her face, dropped at the ground. Didn’t mutter any comment, just silence. Yet, Althea always thought it was the best thing, at least she had the moon and the stars to listen her.

However, she couldn’t deny that somewhere at the bottom of her heart, she wished that she could be heard by human, a person, not just the moon and the stars. Sometimes she’d get bored to talk and what she got was no response. She needed that. To rant about her life to a person, to cry, to let out all her emotion… and get at least a response. Even though what she’d got was everything’s gonna be okay, just keep patient.

Althea sighed out loudly. The moon wasn’t at the top of her head anymore, but it slowly but surely sink down at the horizon. The stars were getting invisible too. Part of her heart was screaming to the sun to just wait longer because i wasn’t ready to face the morning but another part was saying quietly that she needs another fresh new morning to start over her life again – to get the real happiness she’d always been dreaming of.

She pressed her lips together, to make a thin smile. A new fresh morning sounded like the best idea. Maybe that was what she needed. Letting go of the past and facing the future with a bright smile.

Because, you couldn’t dwell on past forever, right?

for this nice challenge.

signed with lots of love,
fleur // june 27th, 2014.


white wishes; golden fortune

i need vending machine which gives me a piece of paper contains of support to live the life and keep my feet on the ground. because we all know that we need every kind of supports, when we are at the bottom of our lives, when we are suffering, when we are hurt… and also what to be heard to keep our feet on the ground when we are at the top, when we get awards and trophies, when we feel like we have all we need in this world.

yeah, that kind of vending machine – which brings hope, the thing that ought to be had by people.

electric shock

another rant from me. oh well. anyways, i suddenly like livejournal and am now taking a peek at tumblr. this is bad, mayday signal should be casted out right now.

i’m a person that when find something more interesting, i’ll leave and go like a lunatic – like what i have been doing in this wordpress. in this case, i’ll post something, no matter how random it is. like this – electric shock marks my 69th posts. i signed up in wordpress in november, btw. most of my posts are posted in june, this month – like 20ish. do you see how lunatic i am?

so, i’m afraid if i’d abandon this blog. this blog is like my personal-yet-public journal, where i share my thoughts and minds and feelings – although in english.

let’s just hope anything bad isn’t gonna happen, alright? keep optimist! o/

ps: if anyone wants take a look, here is my livejournal. my username’s vegraciexo (another random names, yeah i know – i made it random because i think someday i’ll change it but it says that username change costs 1500 lj coins, darn.), but i’ll frequently use fleur at there, hopefully.

royal blues

for the nth time, i’m crying, pitying myself because i live in a tropical country called Indonesia for goodness sake :’) there are only two seasons – dry and rain seasons. but, gah, professionality conquers all – so let me fantasizing once again. without geography book, because i have forgotten where the hell i put that.

what i can associate with summer, hm, barbeque maybe? the smell of barbeque – because everyone likes barbeque, no? even though i only eat barbeque-flavored snacks. let me list those snacks; qtela, chitato, lays. those snacks are good, i tell you.

and, from what i have read, summers can be associated with the smell of homeworks – nasty and bad. summer homeworks, anyone? i often read that there are a lot of homeworks given by teachers when summer comes, forgive me if i’m wrong because once again i tell you i haven’t felt the sensation of summer. only dry seasons, anyways.