good bye

my cousins.

technically my cousins who used to be cute, little, innocent, awesome and amazing cousins i have known since forever have changed. they become so damn awful at attitude and no innocent at all anymore. i hate it.

i used to love all of them because they were awesome – not as much as my parents anyways – but… things have changed and now i even don’t know who they are now 😦

every time thinking about this makes me sad.


let’s moving forward

Sometimes I wish I’d never born.

Althea laughed bitterly when thinking about this. Yes, I wonder what’ll the world do without me – nothing, maybe. Because I’m such a trash, she thought, kicking some pebbles – to satisfy her heart because the best thing to do without hurting your friends when you were at your limit was to shed your pique, vexation, exacerbation on unliving things. Yes, it was the best thing to do.

The last time she shed her angriness to a living things – to Astrild – resulted the friendship between her and Astrild cracked. Fortunately Astrild wasn’t egoistical – no, Althea was the egoistical one – and she saved their precious five-years friendship.

Now, Althea didn’t want such a silly reason to crack her friendship again – once was enough. She had learnt her lesson – never ever shed your bitter side of emotion on human. Newton’s Third Law stated that if there was an action, there’d be a reaction. Althea gave bad action, and the reaction was same.

She looked up at the sky. The night sky was always peaceful, never judged her; the moon and the stars were the best listener she’d ever got. They were quiet to let her talk until she couldn’t mutter a single word anymore, they were quiet when the tears rolled down to her face, dropped at the ground. Didn’t mutter any comment, just silence. Yet, Althea always thought it was the best thing, at least she had the moon and the stars to listen her.

However, she couldn’t deny that somewhere at the bottom of her heart, she wished that she could be heard by human, a person, not just the moon and the stars. Sometimes she’d get bored to talk and what she got was no response. She needed that. To rant about her life to a person, to cry, to let out all her emotion… and get at least a response. Even though what she’d got was everything’s gonna be okay, just keep patient.

Althea sighed out loudly. The moon wasn’t at the top of her head anymore, but it slowly but surely sink down at the horizon. The stars were getting invisible too. Part of her heart was screaming to the sun to just wait longer because i wasn’t ready to face the morning but another part was saying quietly that she needs another fresh new morning to start over her life again – to get the real happiness she’d always been dreaming of.

She pressed her lips together, to make a thin smile. A new fresh morning sounded like the best idea. Maybe that was what she needed. Letting go of the past and facing the future with a bright smile.

Because, you couldn’t dwell on past forever, right?

for this nice challenge.

signed with lots of love,
fleur // june 27th, 2014.


we wrote a prelude to our own fairytale –

first of all, i got a sting to speech here. say hi to the wise part of fleur, yay!

it’d be a mess if humans could control over time, right? there’d be no mistake, no regret, no valuable lessons – basically life would have no fun. before you could say any word, no i am not masochist. i didn’t remember saying suffering is great, right? directly and indirectly, no.

what i tried to say that life’d be more colorful if there was a dark side – not just a light side. mixture of dark and light colors are needed to make an artistic art. from the dark side of life, we learn how to respect people, their feelings and thoughts. as for me, i knew how people felt when they are forgotten or betrayed – and there are no one with them to comfort them – because i have experienced that. it was painful – and how i wished to end all of it, from that, i tried not to make people feel what i felt before, so they don’t feel what i felt when i was in depressed mode. ah, well, i know it’s hard to understand this, right now i’m having a hard time to pour down all my feelings and thoughts.

to answer the prompt – no. after thinking for a while and musing, i think i don’t want to change everything. let them be like that. Lord has plans for all His beloved children, no? so maybe, those embarassed, dreadful, shameful, terrible, awful, foolish moments of mine are part of His plans. who knows?